What is the ultimate goal of a romantic relationship? Is it not to have it be long lasting, fulfilling and well balanced (between pleasure and healthy challenges)?
Most of us, who have been trapped in this cycle of hook ups and break ups, are too aware of what does not work yet we have not managed to break out of it. Things like selfishness, clinginess, laziness, jealousy, dishonesty, and being too judgmental drive us apart quicker than it takes for nail polish to dry.
But, what generally escapes us is what will make us truly stick together. This post discusses 7 essential elements of what will make a commitment between 2 people not just stand the test of time but also transform them as individuals in a significant way. For those of us who strive for more in a relationship and personally, these principles can prove to be very valuable and they can be easily remembered with the acronym ASPIRES.
Acceptance
In a very nurturing way, both shall accept each others limitations. Plenty of room is allowed for having flaws and to make mistakes. These things are seen as opportunity for growth, improvement and practice. This is what makes life an interesting challenge. And, in the end, if it is unavoidable and necessary both shall gracefully thank each other and disengage.
Self-Esteem
Without exception, both understand the importance of developing and having a healthy self-esteem. This is crucial to having success in any one's life, let alone a relationship. If one suffers from chronic low confidence, the other will be unnecessarily burdened by those issues. One must have enough personal self-worth built in when entering a relationship or it will place too much of a strain.
Prosperity
Bringing out the best qualities in one's lover is another essential goal. It is about assisting one another in evolving into the most successful and happy person s/he can be. Both must have an openness and desire to move towards positive change. Coming together must be about further growth as individuals. Together both can accomplish goals much more easily than alone therefore enjoying continuous success while strengthening their bond.
Intimacy
With each others constant cooperation, a true intimacy is experienced physically, intellectually, emotionally, and even spiritually. Each one feels the freedom to express her/himself openly and to ask honestly for what they want without regrets. There is no shaming or fear of being rejected. Disagreements are minimized because all things are addressed with a good mix of patience and understanding. Each one is allowed time to process and analyze before giving her/his response. Because of this, both expose their sensitive/private matters without much restrictions, continually feeding this very deep connection.
Respect
Unconditional love is not sought in this relationship (especially at the beginning). That is reserved for parental love. Parents must love their kids regardless of their behavior. As adults, we require to be treated with respect in order to stay in the relationship. If one's partner REPEATEDLY steps over boundaries, the deal is off. Life is challenging enough on one's own and it is plain unfair to have to carry more baggage because of another adult's carelessness.
Emancipation
Each person is allowed to be an individual within the relationship. Each one encourages the other to follow their goals, and passions instead of standing in her/his way. Both maintain a healthy balance of time together and apart. A bit of solitude is an essential aspect in any person's life. Also, one's relationships with others is not seen as a threat but more of a enhancement. This maintains a good freshness between them. The need to be constantly around one's mate is plain unhealthy.
Separation
Both must be able to care for the other with a good deal of detachment. One mustn't feel too responsible for the other. Each is only responsible for her/his own thoughts, feelings, and reactions. Only in this way can both truly feel free to want to be with one another. By continually affirming each others personal empowerment as capable and separate individuals, a sense of appreciation is maintained. Yes, this is contrary to pop culture where it is considered cool for one to have a clingy, desperate, and intense attraction for one's lover, sometimes even going to the extreme of feeling like "dying" if abandoned. There is always a choice in a relationship. Very simply, being with someone is an option.
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